I am recently engaged and going through the experience of finishing my last semester of college, finding a job, figuring out where the Lord wants me and my fiance to start our new life, and planning a wedding in the outrageous span of four months.
Before I began this great adventure I knew that this semester would be an attack on my relationship with the Lord. The "busyness" of life would cost me; and any moment in which I try to pursue the Lord is followed by a distraction.
For example tonight I wrote down a list of ways that I can grow in my relationship to the Lord (these are the hows of what I desire). It wasn't even an hour before I started feeling miserable. I was alone, I had no one to talk to, and I was terribly sick. Then it started. That little voice in my head telling me that my life was pathetic and so was I.
I bought into it; pittying myself. But then it dawned on me. As I was muttering under my breath about this and that, the Lord spoke to me "you are alone because I want you to stop depending on others and start depending on me." I'm ashamed to say this, but my immedeate response was "I don't want to depend on you." The truth had escaped my lips before I had the chance to deceive myself. I started back peddling. "Lord, I do want to depend on you, but I just want people to care for me, especially when they claim that they love me." But, it was too late. The Lord had set me in front of a mirror and shown me my wickedness.
That's when I realized that these moments that seem dark and lonely are actually the greatest opportunities for me to press into the Lord and receive the most undevided attention there is. The attention that only an almighty, merciful God can give. Praise God. Amen.
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1 comment:
i wish i had read your blog before i talked to you! i have so many thoughts! engagement is an interesting time! let's talk!
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